GRAND MASTER (GM)
The head (wo)man. The chairman of the board. The big cheese. The HMFIC. The guiding light. Gispert’s legacy. The GM is not simply a figurehead for the Hash, but rather he (or she) personifies the Hash’s character (or lack thereof.) He leads with a dynamic strength that permeates the fabric of the organization. Both directly, and through his officers, he gives inspiration, direction and vision to all.
HARE RAISER
The Hare Raiser makes sure that there’s a Hare (or Hares) for each Hash, and that the start location is known to the On-Sec well in advance of Hash day for publicity purposes. The Hare Raiser IS the Hare if (s)he can’t find anyone else to do it – which provides ample motivation to do a proper job!
HASH SCROOGE
The holder of the purse-strings. Someone needs to dash about the start of each Hash begging for money. Someone has to keep track of what comes in and what goes out (commonly referred to as “the old in and out.”) These generally unappreciated duties fall on the shoulders of the Hash Scrooge. This trustworthy soul must withstand the whining of the Hares who have over-spent, the whimpering of those who have forgotten their fees, and the interrogations of those who mistakenly think there should be some sort of accounting for Hash funds.
HASH HABERDASHER
Seller and often procurer and designer of Hash gear. Often seems to be a mythical creature, i.e. when you are visiting another Hash you always seem to hear, “This is the first run he has missed in three years!”
BEERMEISTER
This is unquestionably the most important position in the Hash. The Beermeister has the weighty responsibility of making sure the lifeblood of Hashing is available at each and every Hash event. He keeps constant vigilance to find the cheapest “spirituous fermenti” available, always has coolers in the trunk of his car and cases of beer in his garage, and reliably returns the empty keg between the On-On and On-On-On. This job requires a strong back, and a weak mind!
HASH FLASH
The person who captures on film for posterity all embarrassing Hash moments. The Hash Flash must have an acute sense of the absurd to know what to take photos of, and also a small degree of reliability to bring a camera, film, take pictures, have them developed (or in the case of digital photos, uploaded), and put only the finest thereof onto the web or into the sacred photo album.
HASH MOUTH
The Hash Mouth runs the official business at the On-On with an iron hand. He must be loud, clear, passionate, articulate, humorous and possess an uncommon ability to think on his feet. It also helps if he speaks English.
HASHIT KEEPER
This is arguably the most complicated position within the Hash hierarchy. The responsibility surrounds custody of a large cardboard box filled with the flotsam and jetsam of past Hashes. Precisely why this crap is retained is a mystery shrouded in the mythology of Hashdom, however the Hashit itself rarely makes it to the Hash – although the custodian is almost always there himself. This reinforces the argument that remembering to bring the Hashit is probably beyond the cognitive ability of your average Hasher.
HASH TRASH
Produces the weekly or monthly newsletter published within a kennel. The idea started in KL sometime in the early years, with the oldest surviving copy being produced for the 100th run. The Hash Trash gives details of the next Hash, and contains a report of the previous run.
ON-SEC
This position is the masochist’s dream. He struggles with piles of papers, miles of computer wire, and helps produce a Hash Trash to keep the Hash members reasonably informed. He is the official representative on the Internet – maintaining the Website, email lists and other such forms of nonsense. The On-Sec also maintains the Hash membership data base and publishes the Hound Directory. Boring stuff to say the least!
ROAD WHORE
Plans and coordinates group road trips to visit other Hashes or attend debaucherous and hedonistic events such as Interhash and Nash Hash.
SONGMEISTER
This is a Hasher with no self-respect who never lacks for a song suitable to the occasion. His songs are risqué, lewd and vulgar. The Songmeister speaks with other Hashers and Hashes to acquire new songs to add to the Hash Hymnal. The mission is to explore new tunes and new celebrations. To boldly go where no Songmeister has gone before (pardon the split infinitive.)
HASH MATTRESS
Hasher who provide a place for visiting out-of-town Hashers to crash. Alternately, see “Hash Harlot.”
RELIGIOUS ADVISOR (RA) (ROYAL A$$HOLE)
Keeper of the Faith. Enforcer of the Scriptures. This is the Hasher who has seen the light (often Bud Light) and can taste in his soul the true spirit of Hashing. The Religious Advisor spreads the word and inspires the zest and zeal of the Hash in all participants. Any Hasher found transgressing the spirit of Hashing is disciplined by the RA. He is the keeper of the sacred Laws of Hashing – and comes up with sufficiently plausible lies to cover any serious questions of propriety.
Humper. BEER SOUP FOR THE HASHER’S SOLES: The Hash House Harrier Guidebook (Kindle Locations 239-298). S&B Publishing. Kindle Edition.